GED Practice Essay: Revising the Second Paragraph

I’ve got the first paragraph of my GED essay revised, and now I’m going to use the same questions to revise the next paragraph. Remember, the questions I’m using are the same questions a GED reader uses to grade a GED essay test. Here’s how the second paragraph of my practice essay goes:

My son came over one day for dinner, and he bought a girl I never met before. He didn’t even tell me he was bringing anyone. Than he told me they were getting married. I was very upset! I thought he was too young. When he saw I wasn’t happy, my son got very angry at me, we had a fight.

I’m going to go by the questions GED readers will think about again…and here they are…

1. Did I answer the GED question and stay on topic?

Am I still answering the question? Am I on the essay topic from the GED exam? Or did I go off on a tangent? The essay question is about how you reacted to something new or difficult, and if you wish you acted differently. GED essay questions are like that… they ask you about what you think or things in your life.

In this paragraph, I tell about the new situation, and how I reacted (getting angry!) So I’m on topic… that’s one of the most important things, and it’s pretty easy if you think about it.

2. Is my writing organized?

This paragraph is me telling the story of what happened. I begin at the beginning of the story… when my son came to tell me about getting married, and how I got upset. Telling a story of something that happened can be a good idea on the GED essay test, because it’s easy to stay organized and on topic… you’re just telling a story about something that happened to you. But remember, you’ve got to have a point at the end, too.

3. Did I give enough good details?

Well… I do give some details, right? My son coming over for dinner… and him bringing a strange girl. Me thinking that he’s too young is a detail, too. I’m not too specific about our fight… but I think it’s okay. It’s got some specific things, telling what happened, not just generalizations.

4. Are there language mistakes, like spelling and grammar?

The hardest thing about GED writing is getting the language straight! Let me look at what I did… uh, oh. I said “bought” instead of “brought.” I mean he BROUGHT a girl over for dinner… that’s a pretty bad mistake 🙂 I mean, he didn’t BUY a girl. Oh my!

My son came over one day for dinner, and he brought a girl I never met before. He didn’t even tell me he was bringing anyone. Than he told me they were getting married. I was very upset! I thought he was too young. When he saw I wasn’t happy, my son got very angry at me, we had a fight.

I see another wrong word! I said “Than” instead of “Then.” “Then” means that something happens next, and “than” compares two things. I mean “then.”

My son came over one day for dinner, and he brought a girl I never met before. He didn’t even tell me he was bringing anyone. Then he told me they were getting married. I was very upset! I thought he was too young. When he saw I wasn’t happy, my son got very angry at me, we had a fight.

There’s one more thing I notice, now that I’m really reading through. I say, “my son got very angry at me, we had a fight.” That’s really two sentences, and you shouldn’t put them together with just a comma. I’ll add the word “and.”

My son came over one day for dinner, and he brought a girl I never met before. He didn’t even tell me he was bringing anyone. Then he told me they were getting married. I was very upset! I thought he was too young. When he saw I wasn’t happy, my son got very angry at me, and we had a fight.

5. Did I choose the best words to say what I mean?

On the GED test, choosing good words is important, and I don’t just mean accidentally saying “bought” instead of “brought.” (!) So, I’m going to look through for words that could be better… I don’t see anything right away, so I’m going to force myself to choose two words that could be better… hmmm… how about the word “very”? That’s one of those words you use all the time… and I’ve got it twice! That’s not good. I’m going to choose some other words for “very…”

My son came over one day for dinner, and he brought a girl I never met before. He didn’t even tell me he was bringing anyone. Then he told me they were getting married. I was very terribly upset! I thought he was too young. When he saw I wasn’t happy, my son got very extremely angry at me, and we had a fight.

“Very” is a good word to know some synonyms for… other words that mean the same thing. Like “extremely,” “terribly,” “incredibly,” “awfully,” or “decidedly.” That’s good preparation for the GED test… looking for words you can use instead of real common words. Next time… more revising!

To find out more about the GED test and GED test preparation, visit The GED Academy at passGED.com.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*