GED Practice Essay: My First Revisions

Okay, I’m not going to put my whole GED essay draft in this post, so look back at the last post to read the whole thing. I want to get down to revising my essay for the GED… And I’ll start with the first paragraph:

The unhappiest time in my life was when I didn’t talk to my son for a year. The reason was that I reacted bad to my son getting engaged. His engagement was surprising and shocking to me, and I wish I had reacted differently.

Last time, I showed you some questions to ask yourself. These are the same questions GED readers ask about your essay, so it’s important to think about them. Put yourself in place of the GED reader… how would you grade the essay?

1. Did I answer the GED question and stay on topic?

Here’s the sample GED essay question I used to write my essay:

Sometimes, we don’t know in advance how we’ll react to a new situation.

Describe a time when you were faced with a new or difficult situation and explain your reaction. Do you wish you’d acted differently? Why or why not? Use your personal observations, experience, and knowledge to support your essay.

I don’t really say, “A time when I was faced with a new and difficult situation was…” but I don’t need to repeat the GED question, do I? I mean, it was a new and difficult situation….as long as that’s clear, I’m answering the question. I say that I was surprised and shocked, and that I had a bad reaction. I think in the first paragraph, I’m doing a good job staying on topic and answering the GED essay question.

2. Is my writing organized?

Well, the first paragraph of a GED essay is basically the introduction. It starts out by saying what the problem was, and I think that’s pretty good. It tells what I’m going to talk about. I think if you do prewriting for your GED essay, your organization is probably going to be pretty good.

3. Did I give enough good details?

Hmmmm… are there details in the first paragraph of my GED essay? It says I didn’t talk to my son for a year. That’s a detail. And him getting engaged is a detail.

You know what’s missing? I say that I reacted bad, but I don’t really say what my reaction was. Just “bad.” That’s not much of a detail, and details are important in writing for the GED. Maybe I’ll add some detail…

The unhappiest time in my life was when I didn’t talk to my son for a year. The reason was that I reacted bad to my son getting engaged. I got angry and didn’t want him to get married. His engagement was surprising and shocking to me, and I wish I had reacted differently.

4. Are there language mistakes, like spelling and grammar?

This one’s important for the GED test, too. I know I should watch for this better… let’s see what I can find… “The reason was that” isn’t a very good way to start a sentence, is it? It’s just a lot of extra words that don’t mean much. So, I’ll change it.

The unhappiest time in my life was when I didn’t talk to my son for a year. I reacted bad to my son getting engaged. I got angry and didn’t want him to get married. His engagement was surprising and shocking to me, and I wish I had reacted differently.

I think the word “bad” is wrong, too. Shouldn’t it be “badly”? That’s right… “badly” is an adverb… and the “bad” thing is the verb, how I reacted. So, to go with a verb, it needs to be an adverb…badly.

The unhappiest time in my life was when I didn’t talk to my son for a year. I reacted badly to my son getting engaged. I got angry and didn’t want him to get married. His engagement was surprising and shocking to me, and I wish I had reacted differently.

I think that’s pretty good now. I don’t really see any big mistakes… It takes some practice to look for grammar and spelling. The trick is to try, and to try to remember what things you usually do wrong.

5. Did I choose the best words to say what I mean?

Let me look at my words… that word “badly” doesn’t sound too good. Maybe “negatively”? That doesn’t sound bad enough. I was pretty bad! I’m going to look at a thesaurus… I can’t do that on the GED test, but the more words I know before I take the test, the easier it will be on the GED! I found one… “atrociously.” That’s a good one.

The unhappiest time in my life was when I didn’t talk to my son for a year. I reacted atrociously to my son getting engaged. I got angry and didn’t want him to get married. His engagement was surprising and shocking to me, and I wish I had reacted differently.

What about “my son getting engaged”? That’s wordy, too. Maybe I can say it in less words… “my son’s engagement.”

The unhappiest time in my life was when I didn’t talk to my son for a year. I reacted atrociously to my son’s engagement. I got angry and didn’t want him to get married. His engagement was surprising and shocking to me, and I wish I had reacted differently.

“Angry” is another word I bet I can replace. What’s a better word for angry? Really, really angry? I’m going to the thesaurus again… how about “furious”? “was furious” is probably better than “got angry.”

The unhappiest time in my life was when I didn’t talk to my son for a year. I reacted atrociously to my son’s engagement. I was furious and didn’t want him to get married. His engagement was surprising and shocking to me, and I wish I had reacted differently.

I think that’s better… what do you think? I’m going to go through each paragraph of the GED essay to make it better, and that will give me some good practice for the GED test…

To find out more about the GED test and GED test preparation, visit The GED Academy at passGED.com.

5 thoughts on “GED Practice Essay: My First Revisions

  1. I am going to take my GED exam this week.Though on my Academy’s pretest i got a 4 on the essay,i was still scared.Couln’t have felt much better without this site.thanks a handfull Ms.

  2. could you please revise this assay for me.
    ive been trying to get my ged but its been so long since i wrote and assay i would love your comment and thoughts.
    topic: who are some people you admire and why?

    Well it might sound a little arrogant,but i dont admire a lot of people.
    One person i must say has inspire me and always gave me strenght,even in the hardest situation,is my mother.
    Her ability to be such a great role model for me,as a single mother,in a foreign country.
    I learned that when you have passion and desire to be a better “you”,doors will always be open,no matter what you goals in life might be.

    Imagine yourself,leaving your country with a small child,looking for a better future;knowing that you going to make sacrifes so that your child has a better future the you had.

    Iadmire her because she is a real person that i personally know.She went thought rough time,emosionally and financially,but in the end of the road,she manage to give her and i a better life.

    thank you please let me know what you think,i would really aprreciated

  3. When my Dad’s Job had to move to a bran new Location my Secior year in High School At Provadinces High School was very difficult because I would have been moving and leaveing all my new friends that I met over the years from

    joining clubs and sports teams . It was a challenge for me but also for my brother and the rest of my family too being in A new State and City meeting all new kinds of people not knowing if your going to like them are trust

    them and just learning to like a bran new place . I was really up set for missing out on my grandtuion with my friends and that I had made and going to prome with my friends it took me awhile to ajust to the change and the

    people . We end it up moveing to the Bay area and where I end it up going to Deer Valley Hs and I end I did not really like Deer valley so much but

    I end up meetin nice people to hangout with and friends that I met here some im still friends with but not so much . Alot thos friends end up geting me into turbbole with drugs and rinking and I had to stay away from

    some of thos friends. The one thing that I would have said and done deefinitely about haveing to move was not giveing my Dad such a hard time

    about are family moveing so many times and me missing out on My Prome and my Gradtion with my friends .The move end it out truning for the good and for the better .

  4. Hi I’m Amber. I dropped out of school when i was younger then was homeschooled. I was a straight A honor student until i hit high school, the teachers at school were horrible. so now a few years later i realized quitting school was bad, and i am enrolled in a college for a career diploma. I need to get my GED first. I scored high in all parts except for the essay part. I hate writing i always have. I have a sample question “what does the word, success, mean to you? i am going to write my essay here please tell me what is wrong and how i can improve it PLEASE!
    QUESTION: WHAT DOES THE WORD, SUCCESS, MEAN TO YOU?

    There are many meanings to the word, “success,” success to me means you have achieved what you wanted in life. In order to succeed in my case, I would like to get my GED, finish college, and find a job. If i were to accomplish these things, it would mean a lot to me and its an important part of my life.
    The first thing to make me succeed would be to get my GED. If I were to get my GED, it would make myself and my family proud. It would also open a lot of opportunities and make me eligible for college. It would set an example for my siblings to never give up on school and its not impossible to further your education.
    The second thing to succeed would be to finish my career diploma, and go to veterinarian college. I recently decided I wanted to become a wolf biologist, but i have to work my way up to become that, slowly. I have always dreamed of helping animals of all sorts, now its a dream come true. I could open a rescue center for exotic animals by achieving this dream, as well.
    The last thing, would be to get a job in the animal field. I think this job would be enjoyable and interesting. Eventually, Id like to open a wolf sanctuary, where i would observe and care for wolves. Id like to achieve a lot in my careers.
    In conclusion, there are many meanings to the word, success. My meaning would be to achieve what you want in life and what makes you happy, as i explained in the previous paragraphs. What is your meaning to the word, success?

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