Hi again everyone! I hope the GED studying is going good. Doing well on the essay part of the GED writing test really helps your score… a better score on the GED essay can make a big difference for your overall GED writing test score. And one thing that always helps me is to look at example essays.
Here’s an essay by a GED student that might help you! It has a few grammar problems in it, but overall it’s a pretty good essay. Let me say, first, it’s good to start out by stating your opinion at the beginning of an essay, like this one. I think that overall the structure of the essay is good. The writer starts out by telling what his opinion is, and then relates it to his real life. Then, he gives reasons why he has that opinion, and ends with a conclusion. This is a structure that works!
The essay has got some grammar problems… I’ve put my notes on how to fix them in bold and blue in the essay below… These grammar issues are not as important as the structure, but improving them always helps!
The essay topic is whether it’s harmful for both parents of a preschool child to work outside the home. Here’s the essay:
Based on our opinion, (You don’t need to say “Based on our opinion” or “I think” in an essay.) it is harmful for both parents to work outside before a child’s preschool. My ex-wife (Madeline) and I decided in order to avoid any problems for our child we decided (You can remove “we decided,” because it’s already in the sentence, where it says “I decided.”) to split the hours in our jobs. Madeline would work days and I at night. The reason for these shifts is to always have one of us with our child. And while one of us were (“was” is correct) with our child we share (should be “shared”) the house chores also.
According to the media, there has (have) been day-cares, baby-sitters, or even some one (someone) close; (no semicolon is needed) who would: (no colon is needed) spank, shake, starve, and yell to any child they would take care off. (“of,” not “off.”) These situations brought us to our attention and fear. (This sentence is a little awkward… Maybe it would be better to say, “When these situations were brought to our attention, we were filled with fear.”)
I recommend a child to be in care of a parent (Adding “because he or she” would make this sentence clearer.) would be more prepared before pre-school. There is no other comparison, (it needs the words “with being,” or say “Nothing can be compared to being…”) taught by both parents, other than (it should say “instead of,” not “other than.”) some one (someone) else or agency. Parents can bring (“raise” would be a better word choice than “bring”) a child healthy, smarter, clean, and disciplined.
So when a child reach to an age (“reaches an age”) to start school they are well prepared. In my opinion, these are the reasons why both parents should be able to work out a schedule to spend the time with his or her (You can say “
there” “their” here, because you used the plural “parents” before.) child. All the time dedicated, means a lot to a child.
I like the ending. I think the last sentence sounds good. What do you think? Can you make any other improvemens to this essay, or find a way to make it sound better? When you look through your own GED essay, try reading it quietly out loud to yourself or in your head, to see how it sounds. Use your ear to hear if it sounds right..or natural. That’s the best way to fix any mistakes!
Let me know if you need any help with your GED essay!
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